Mind when Faceyb surveys were all the rage? They keep popping up in my “On This Day” thing, because I was hella cool and filled in shit loads. Well…I’M BRINGING THEM BACK!

Time to explore the mind of Judy Alfereti

Why are you single?
Oh god, cutting straight to it, eh? No warm up, nothing. Well, random survey, I am single for a multitude of reasons. Nothing to do with my looks (I’m super hot). Probably because my personality is too much and I’m a riot. And the guys I want to bang don’t want to bang me. And I’m too cool. That’s it. I’m too cool.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing?
It’s red and from Primark and is keeping me warm and fly

What’s currently bothering you?
EVERYTHING! My stress levels are pretty high. There’s a lot of stuff going on right now, that I wont bore you with, and my stress and anxiety is pretty high. Plus I have a spot. A spot! I never get spots. My skin is crystal clear, but today? A spot?! Who am I?  Some acne riddled teenager? MY LIFE IS OVER

What do you currently hear?
Cars, which represent the drive in my life and my love of metal and wheels and um..petrol. And cars.

When was the last time you had your hair cut?
Oh who remembers stuff like that? Was it recently? no. I mean, I don’t keep track of these things. Should I? Do normal people do that? Should I be more organised? Why aren’t I more organised. Oh god. Why is everything spiralling out of control?

When were you last outside?
Now that I do remember. 15 minutes ago. I didn’t even need to write that down, I remembered it all on my own.

Are you wearing shorts?
Nah, I chucked out all of my hotpants a few years ago when i decided to become a Responsible Adult. Worst decision of my life.

Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Incredibly so. A white dress? Around food? Are you mental?

What are you doing today?
Being cool. Doing some writing. Doing a lot of procrastinating. Looking fly. Crying. More crying. Having a wee breakdown. Then more procrastination. Then work.

Look to your left, what is there?
Crippling loneliness.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
I fell asleep at 7am because I work nightshift and my body is like a vampire, except its brown.

When is your Birthday?
21st April. Buy me presents.

The way to win your heart?

1. Be hot.
2. Be cool.
3. Be creative.
4. Have nice arms.
5. Tell me I’m pretty.

What are you going to do this weekend?
I’m going to hang out with my friend, and moan about life to him whilst sipping on a cheap bottle of red wine, with mascara running down my face, and asking him constantly AM I COOL? I bet he can’t wait.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
I mean…I wasn’t unhappy but I was still hella stressed. Oh stress, why you always here? Get some pals.

Would you ever donate blood?
Already done it pal. #smug #saveallthelives

What do you do when you’re stressed out?
I’M CONSTANTLY STRESSED OUT SO I LIKE TO CONTINUE TO LIVE MY LIFE BUT I TYPE IN CAPITALS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS INTENSE.

Well that was a lovely distraction. Now I’m gonna go do some work.

Maybe.

I might just cry.