Mixed Signals.

Last year, I spent a lot of time receiving mixed signals from men I was interested in. They were hot, they were cold, they were yes, they were no, they were Katy Perry, they weren’t Katy Perry. It was all a tad confusing. However, maybe it wasn’t all their fault.

I use Spotify to play music. I have a fairly varied taste in music. For instance, my top 10 songs played in 2018 were:

  1. Rock The Casbah by The Clash
  2. My Perfect Cousin by The Undertones
  3. Wonderlust King by Gogol Bordello
  4. This Is The Life by Amy Macdonald
  5. The House of the Rising Sun by The Animals
  6. Golden Brown by The Stranglers
  7. Devil Gate Drive by Suzi Quatro
  8. Yeah! by Usher
  9. He’s a Rebel by The Crystals
  10. Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths

All absolute bangers, but a mixture of styles and decades. For those of you who don’t use Spotify, they have this feature called Discover Weekly which is a playlist of songs that Spotify have compiled for you based on your listening history and some other data jazz. Being the bold woman that I am, I decided Judy, you’ve listened to The Clash far too much, it’s time to get out there. So I did it. I put on Discover Weekly and geared myself up to discover the shit out of some new music.

Given that my music tastes are genre-fluid, it’s no surprise that what Spotify recommended to me was a bit all over the shop. In fact, what they decided to put was Money by The Flying Lizards immediately followed by I Want Your Love by Transvision Vamp. Again, two absolute belters, but could the message from each of these songs be any more different? No.

Opening lyrics to Money:

The best things in life are free, but you can give them to the birds and bees. I want money.

Opening lyrics to I Want Your Love:

I don’t want your money honey, I want your love.

Clearly, I have been sending hella mixed signals to Spotify. I want this, I want that, I love this song, I hate this song. I can’t decide. Spotify’s had enough and decided to call me out and passing it off as a coincidental algorithm. But no, I see you Spotify, throwing all that shade my way. Oh look, Judy’s up to her bullshit again, listening to NWA then Disney then The Beach Boys. What she all about? Stop confusing us with your mixed signals. Pick a genre and stick to it. You’re going to decide right now which song you want in your heavy rotation. Which one: money or love?

WELL I’M SORRY SPOTIFY, I CAN’T DECIDE! I like both! I like money! I like love! Why can’t I have both?

It appears am guilty of being a mixed signal sender. I mean if a bloody computer programme with analytics and data processing software specifically built to monitor consumer behaviour and listening patterns can’t decipher what is going on, then what chance does anyone have? Maybe the reasons I was receiving all these mixed signals is because I was putting them out into the world. As the New Radicals said, we only get what we give, so if I’m dishing out all this inconsistent behaviour then it makes sense that that’s all I’ll be getting served.

So what do I do now? Stop being erratic? Pfft, what do you think I am, well-adjusted?! Jog on. I mean, I guess I can try being a bit more consistent and less all over the shop. Thing is though, I bloody love being all over the shop. I also really like the phrase “all over the shop” it’s got a certain knack to it.




What am I talking about again? I got distracted listening to Cabaret and have spent the last 10 minutes doing jazz hands. Honestly, my Spotify has been banging recently.

Maybe instead of calling me out, they were actually being hella supportive. Maybe they were like, yeah ok Judy, you’re all over the shop (great phrase by the way, what a wordsmith you are), but you’re great, let’s celebrate you, you big sexy babe. Here. Have two songs with completely contrasting messages, fuck it. You do you, you big unstable bitch.

Maybe the guys were also being hella supportive by sending me mixed messages. Maybe they’re super supportive of my borderline personality disorder, and they decided to help me embrace the chaos by adding more instability to my life. That’s actually really sweet. Thanks guys. I love you too.

Yes! I’ve figured it out! To be honest, when I started this post, I only had a rough idea of what I was going to write, but this baby has been writing itself.

Anyway. I’m gonna go have pasta. OR AM I?! WHO KNOWS!

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