So, you may or may not already know, but I was a contestant on series 2 of Naked Attraction (episode 7 to be precise). If you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here. “What is Naked Attraction?” I hear some of you shout. Well, it’s a dating show where you choose your date based purely on naked, phsyical attraction. Basically, we all get naked and I’m like “yeah, you’re hot, let’s bang”. A more in depth description, courtesy of Wikipedia:

“Naked Attraction is a British dating game show in which a clothed person selects two contestants from six naked people, whose bodies and then faces are revealed in stages from the feet up. The person deciding then appears nude to select one of them for a fully clothed date. The programme then presents their feedback after the date.”

I was the one doing the picking. Look how much fun I had:

So much fun! So many penises! So overwhelming!

Here’s an exclusive interview about my time on the show, carried out by my favourite interviewer: me.

Hello again! Long time, no speak!

Hey girl! Yeah, it’s been a while since our last interview. You good? Still hot?

Yeah, I’m all good. Still a smoking babe, obviously.

Obvz.

So first of all, why did you decide to go on Naked Attraction?

Well, you know me, I hate wearing clothes. I have terrible fashion sense, and everything I have is just a bit shite, you know? Being naked is probably my favourite thing, so I’m like, yeah bitch, I’ll get naked on television, and I get to look at a bunch of dicks (probably my second favourite thing to do) AND I get to judge people! That’s like the Holy Trinity of Judy’s favourite things to do.

I thought it would be an amazing story, shit loads of fun and, if I did meet the right person, the best story to tell our kids.

Weren’t you embarrassed about your friends and family seeing you naked?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no.

What about your colleagues?

We all watched it together in the staff room.

Oh ok, so you’re definitely not shy.

No. When it comes to being naked, I’m not embarrassed at all. I’m very confident about my body, and even though it has it’s flaws, it’s my body, and I’m gonna rock it.

You go girl.

Thanks, bitch.

So what was it like filming?

Oh man, it was just a massive blur. I had finished work at 7am, was on the train to Manchester for 8am, arrived at the hotel at 2pm, whisked off to the studio at 3pm and didn’t start filming until 8pm. I was absolutely fucking shattered, and had drank about 8 coffees to get me going, so I had no clue what was going on.

A few people on Twitter thought you might have been drunk or on drugs

Definitely not. I mean, if I was drunk, then I wouldv’e been naked within the first 5 minutes. Like, HI EVERYONE! TAPS AAAAAAFFFFF!!!!

What was Anna like?

Anna was very lovely, really friendly and good at calming any nerves. I didn’t spend any time with her outwith filming though, but aye, she was nice. I didn’t actually get to interact with anyone outside of filming. I was kept in a dressing room with a minder, whilst the guys were all doing their naked locker room segment bits, so I was a bit bored. And lonely. And caffeinated oot my nut.

Did you have any criteria set out beforehand for your man? What were you looking for?

I was looking for a hot man. Someone super hot. The majority of the men I have snogged have been incredibly average looking. If you’re a 6/7 out of ten, I will fall in love with you. Sure, there’s been the odd super hot man and I’m all HELLO! but really, the average Joe is right up my street. So I wanted to try and get the best looking man ever. With big arms.

What did you think of the choices provided?

Well they were mostly super hot so aye, well done Channel 4. I mean, 4 out of the 6 of them would totally get it, so nae complaints.

Let’s talk about Red aka Thor.

Oh god, do we have to?

You know we do.

Fine. What about Red?

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HE WAS SO FUCKING HOT! I WOULD’VE SHAGGED HIS FACE OFF RIGHT THERE AND THEN, NO FUCKS GIVEN! 

I’M SORRY OK!! I DIDN’T LIKE HIS VOICE!!! I COULDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING! YOU KNOW I HAVE TERRIBLE HEARING!!! AAAAAAAAH!!

Twitter did not like you ditching Red.

No one did. I think I have only met 2 people that agreed with me for getting rid of red. Everyone else has been giving me the ole WHAT WERE YOU THINKING chat.

What do you say to that?

YOLO MOTHERFUCKERS

So, you went for Blue. Talk me through that. Was he a front runner?

Yeah, he was up there for sure. When the bodies got revealed, I thought the final 2 would be Blue and Red. I just liked his body. It was a good, old fashioned, nice body. I liked how he just came as himself really, nae fancy pubes or that. So that’s what attracted me to him first. And yeah, then I saw his face and was like, aye, I could kiss that. And there we have it.

You had your super hot date, was it fun?

Yeah it was a good laugh. I mean, it was awkward as shit. The restaurant had to be totally quiet in order to pick up the microphones, so I’m sat at this table, across from a total stranger in a near silent room with a camera pointed at us. Now, the camera didn’t bother me because I’m an absolute pro, but the silence was just like….aye, sound, this is normal.

Did you snog?

We banged.

That’s my girl!

Yeah, bitch!! LADSLADSLADS!! Go Team Judy!

What happened afterwards? Are you pure in love with him?

Well, sadly he lives about 5 hours away and we’re on different shift patterns so unfortunately it didn’t work out, and we didn’t manage to meet up again. He’s a nice guy, but yeah, just didn’t work out.

Did you cry about it?

Every single day of my life.

What’s been the reaction? Have you been recognised?

WELL! My Twitter and Instagram have been bombarded with messages from random guys either asking me out, telling me they love me, sending me dick pics or a combination of the 3. Example:

That’s just a small example.

You’ve been getting dick pics?!

Yeah, from a bunch of random guys. That I didn’t ask for. I mean, I love a dick pic just as much as the next bird, but only from someone I actually want to see. It’s the equivalent of a man just walking up to me in the street and flashing me. Fuck off. Fuck right off with your disgusting penis.

Jeezo

I know right? But the overall response to my appearance has been positive, cause let’s face it, I’m the best.

You really are the best.

No, you’re the best.

I know. Lastly, what’s the current love life situation?

I don’t want to talk about it.

What?! Go on!

No.

Oh right ok, calm down. Anyway, thanks for your time, you are my favourite and I love you.

I love you more.