Another Brick in The Wall

No, it’s not about Pink Floyd. In fact, that is my entire knowledge of Pink Floyd. So if you were mislead by the title and expected this post to be about them, then shame on you. It’s about me, as all of these posts are. I mean, it’s my blog,

I’ve been working on a few ideas, and doing a few courses. Trying really hard to get these ideas onto paper and start editing and developing them. I’m getting somewhere, just at a hella slow rate. The problem is that I’m having a hard time concentrating. I’m lacking focus and quickly become distracted. I’ve hit another brick in the wall (see, title is relevant) But this brick is different. Ya see, yer gurl has been feeling weird recently. She’s been feeling…happy. Yeah. Happy. Like actually, physically really happy. And smiling, man alive I’ve been smiling a lot. Which is good, because I have a great smile. I’m super hot.

I like dark shit. I like reading plays and novels that are slightly more sinister, have a twisted edge to it. Something that’s a bit weird. Dennis Kelly, Chuck Palahniuk, Kathryn Dunn, Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton. I love that weird shit. And I like to try reflect that into my writing. I like to focus on misery and bring out the unattractiveness of the world.

So how the fuck do I write all doomy and gloomy when I’m all happy and sappy? Why you choose now to make me feel great? Huh? I have deadlines to meet. I have shit to write. But instead of working towards these deadlines, all I’m producing is dead lines. (Did that work? It sounded like it worked in my head. Because there’s no life in my dialogue. Yeah, it’s a killer metaphor. Fuck, I did it again.)

I mean, I guess I could try  and write a more lighthearted piece. I guess I could attempt to spread a little joy. I could experiment with a happy ending. I could do all those things, but I dunno, I don’t really want to. LIFE DOESN’T HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.

It’s hard to write an angry piece when you’re not angry. It’s hard to be happy when you’re sad. It’s hard to write in the complete opposite emotion you’re feeling. Maybe I shouldn’t be so emotionally charged with my writing. I mean, when I perform I’m able to perform different emotions to what I’m feeling. I’m able to switch it up instantly. Maybe I should try and leave all my emotionally charged pieces for my blog and try and take a more logical approach to scripts. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GET A GRIP YA DUMB BITCH AND FUCKING WRITE A SHOW OH MY GOD STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND JUST WRITE.

It’s twenty past two in the morning. I’ve had very little sleep the past three days. I’m exhausted. But I’m happy!

Do I work better when I’m in a down period? Perhaps. Writing makes me happy, so I suppose by focusing on writing instead of the depression and anxiety I get more shit done. So when I’m happy, I don’t need to do things that make me happy, because I am already there. Wrong answer Judy. You need to keep writing to maintain your happiness levels. Don’t get into that slump.

In summary: what the fuck.

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