Well, 2018 is almost over. What an absolute riot of a year. I mean, so much shit has been going down all over the world. It’s been insane. But what’s been happening in the Fonmanu Creative world?
2018 is the first year that Fonmanu Creative did not produce anything. No short films, no plays, no shows, nothing. Ziltch. I just needed a break. I’d been working and writing shit loads for the past few years, and this year I wanted some time off to relax, regroup and revitalise my creativity. So I went on a shit load of holidays. I went abroad three times, down to London loads and just had actual days off where I did nothing. I watched so much TV. So much. Which is ok, because I want to write television scripts, so it’s research. It’s educational. Well, that’s what I tell myself. You know what’s a great show? Everything.
Did this help my creativity? Yes. Yes it did. Whilst I don’t think I can ever truly forget about In Utero, and I am sure I will be constantly thinking of ways to adapt and adjust the script, I left it the fuck alone. I barely looked at it. No rewrites. This allowed me to think of new ideas, try something different. Like a romance. Or a straight up comedy. Or some weird experimental…thing. It’s been exciting. I owe a lot of this to improv. Since summer, I have been doing more improv with lots of new people. It’s been great. It’s forced me to come out of my comfort zone and explore new styles. Working with different people has been very refreshing and has made me fall in love with improv again. And also got me laid a few times, which is always a bonus. I love improv.
Relationship wise, 2018 has been hella confusing and generally shit. I spent a good chunk of the year confused, angry, sad and happy over an ex-boyfriend who had made a reappearance into my life. It was hella emotional. I also battled with confusing feelings about one of my best friends, and really I was just like what the fuck is going on? Am I in love?! (Side note: I’m not.) So like I said, hella confusing. I felt like this year I was getting mixed signals from every one that I was interested in. That ole classic, we chat, we get on great, things seem to be going well, then out of nowhere- BOOM! They’ve completely changed their tune and aren’t interested. It’s exhausting. I’m shattered. I’ve got my shit together though now. People that aren’t worth it, aren’t worth it. I’m not wasting time pining after someone who’s not interested. Fuck them, or rather don’t fuck them. Move on. Things picked up towards the end of the year, and I’m finishing 2018 with a smile on my face thanks to someone. I’m feeling hopeful about 2019, but not too hopeful because knowing my luck, it’ll all blow up in my face (after he blows it all on my face, LADSLADSLADS).
However, non-romantic relationships have been blossoming, for the most part. I have been a bit of a dick at some points but I’m working hard to restore that friendship back to its former glory. I have gotten closer with some people, and I realise now who in my life is important to me, and I work hard to maintain that friendship and to let them know how much they mean to me. Friendships are hard. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in your own world, or for them to get tied up in theirs. Everyone has shit going on so it’s understandable that you can’t constantly be there for each other. But I know who matters to me and I’ll be damned if I lose them. It’s a kidnap in disguise. A friendnap.
Overall, my mental stability has been…ok. I’ve had a few meltdowns, several crippling anxiety attacks and huge bouts of self-doubt. The end of summer was the worst. So many things happened at once and it all got incredibly overwhelming. However, the good thing is, is that it wasn’t the whole year. It was in manageable chunks. Don’t get me wrong, those chunks were fucking terrible, but it was manageable. I’m getting better at controlling my BPD. Go me. I’m the best.
Looks wise, still a smoking hot babe.
In summary: 2018 was very confusing. A shit load of mixed emotions and mental breakdowns. On the other hand, I got a banging tan, made new friends, refreshed my mind and got to see some amazing places. Overall, I shall rate this year as…7/10.
2019, you have medium standard to exceed.