I have a new show “Don’t Talk To Me About Love”. It’s hella good and funny. But what’s it all about? Well, to give you all a bit more information, here’s an interview I did talking about the show, with everyone’s favourite interviewer: me.

Gurl! It’s been a while! You’re still so hot!

Hello! I know right! And you, my goodness, what an absolute babe!

Thanks, I get that all the time. How are you still single?!

Oh. You know. Things.

Oh, I know. Things. So anyway, I hear you have a banging new show?

Yes! It’s called “Don’t Talk To Me About Love” and it’s about my changing attitudes to love and my experiences of it whilst coping with my mental health issues, with a bit of Vanilla Ice and shagging thrown in for decoration.

You have mental health issues?! Gurl, me too!

Get out of town! You do?! I’ve got borderline personality disorder.

Shut the front door! That’s what I have!

No way! It’s like we’re the same person! BPD is an absolute riot, isn’t it? And since it’s a personality disorder, it has such a strong affect on my relationships with others and perceptions of situations. It makes relationships difficult for me, because I’m very all or nothing. And I’m so erratic. But goddammit, I’m hot.

You are so hot. So what else do you talk about in the show?

Asides from how hot I am?

Yes. I mean, whilst that would make a great hour long show, maybe change the record every so often.

Fair point. Asides from talking about going to therapy,  BPD and how it affects my relationships, I talk about being a mad shagger.

The glory days.

Yes the glory days. However, those days are now gone, and I have hung up my mad shagger hat and replaced it with a non-shagger hat. So yeah I talk about my experiences with sex and how it made me feel, and separating sex and love.

You can do that?

Occasionally. It’s hard but yeah. I can. Sometimes.

So I heard on the grapevine, that there is a musical section. Is this correct?

Yes! I love Vanilla Ice. So much. I wrote him a song, which I don’t think he appreciated so I’m performing it live on stage for the audience, so that hopefully someone will.

Oh, man, it’s not a sloppy love song is it?

IT’S A RAP, MOTHERFUCKER!

Yes! Get it, gurl! This is a one woman comedy show, right? Have you done one before? 

No. Never. I have been on stage doing monologues, and I’ve hosted a couple of improv shows, so I have performed on stage by myself before. But this is something completely different. It’s an hour long.

An hour?

An hour. But it’ll be fine. Because the show is very funny and intriguing so hopefully no one will be clock watching and the hour will fly by. In fact, maybe they’ll be begging for more.

They deffz will be. This show sounds amazing. You’re amazing.

No. You’re amazing. I am very proud of “Don’t Talk To Me About Love” and I’m hella excited to showcase it.

You should be. When is it on again?

Sunday 14th July 2019. The Hug and Pint, 171 Great Western Rd, Glasgow G4 9AW. Doors at 7.30pm. Show starts at 8pm. With support from Hannah Rachel Cruickshank and Amelia Bayler. Free entry (will be a bucket on the door)

Thanks. I can’t wait.

I love you.

I love you too.

Don’t Talk To Me About Love